Better Than I Know Myself
by KamesShipper
Summary: He made a terrible mistake. How will he redeem it? Who's going to help him? Who's going to love him til the end of time? Does his number one bully truly hate him? So many questions and yet not enough answers.
1. Anything?

**Hey there rushers,this is a sequel to my one-shot 'You And I'll Be Safe And Sound'**

**I know that this chapter is short but others will be longer.**

**Enjoy :)**

It was happening again.

The unwanted touches.

The taunting.

The beating.

The rape.

Please stop them Kendall...

But he can't,this is my own hell.

It was my own memories from that dreadful day.

The day when they took my innocence.

I was weak, Heck I'm still weak.

"Please...Stop." I begged them but I knew it was hopeless,it just fuels their desire to break me even more. But how can you break what's already broken?

"Your body wants this James."

Laughing.

"Why would we stop?"

Laughing louder.

"Kendall..."

"He won't help you Jamie Boy."

Before I knew what was happening Jett's lips were on my mine, kissing roughly, his tongue pushing at them to open. When I wouldn't obey his command he bit my lip until I whimpered in pain, just the opening that he needed.I never felt so disgusted in my life and I knew that this was just the beginning.

I was panicking,this is unreal...this a bad dream.A nightmare. This is not happening. Kendall said he would protect me but he can't protect me from myself.

"I would say that we'll be gentle with you but we both know that I would be lying Jamie." Jett said I cringed in both fear and disgust when he started licking my cheek and down to my neck and suddenly he bit there. Hard.

"Ahh." I screamed in agony as he continued licking, kissing my neck and grabbing my hair. He pulled it roughly as I brought my hands up to push him away. But it didn't work,like I said before I'm weak. I can't even defend myself. This was so fucked up.

His hands were all over my upper body, tears slid down my cheeks as humiliation set in.

"Haha , Jett our little bitch is already crying." I heard Dak bark out a laugh.

"Please, just let me g-go. I'll do anything. Please." I whimpered pathetically because all I wanted was to get away from here.

"Anything?" Jett asked as he smiled at me with his hands in my hair, licking his lips, preying on me like the monster that he was.

"Y-Yes."

"Break up with Kendall." I was in shock as he suddenly put on a serious face, My jaw dropped...Break up with Kendall? I can't do that. Kendall was my life,my best friend and my lover. I can't break his heart because it will break mine in process.

"What's your answer pretty boy?" Jett said as he grabbed a hand full of my hair, tugging at it until my head snapped back and I was looking up at him. "We would stop bullying you if that's your price."

"I...I'll do it" I said, voice quivering from fear of what I had just said but my thoughts were interrupted as Jett leaned in dangerously close to my lips "Good choice Jamie boy" He licked my lips,got up and left with Dak. I can't believe what I just did. I agreed to something that was gonna break both of me and Kendall. I was already curled up sobbing hardly. Please God,Help me.


	2. If You Love Someone

School was over, Jett and Dak made it clear for me to break up with Kendall _tonight_. I never thought I would break up with him. He's the most amazing thing in my life, he's the one who cares for me, who protects and loves me. He's the sole reason behind my every smile. I can't possibly break his heart but I have to. I must do it for our sake. Maybe one day, when we're out of the shit hole called high school, I'd be able to tell him the truth.

After standing at his bedroom door for what seemed like ages, trying to gain courage, I finally knocked gently. He didn't answer. Slowly I twisted the door knob and pushed the door open, going in. Kendall was there, listening to music with his eyes closed. I shut the door, took a deep breath and cleared my throat loudly, making Kendall's eyes snap open. "Hey baby, I missed you so much." Kendall said as got up from his bed and pulled me into his sweet embrace. The scent of his perfume overwhelming and bringing me back to the day we got together when he smelled just like was also the day they_ raped_ me. I didn't even realize that I've started crying until Kendall pulled back from the hug.

"Jamie,what's wrong?" Kendall whispered softly as he kissed away my tears.

"K-Kendal… We need to t-talk." I stuttered between my sobs looking up at Kendall through my wet eyelashes.

_Break up with Kendall_

"Okay, um… What do you wanna talk about?" Kendall said as he eyed me suspiciously. _**Please don't see right through me Kendall.I'm only trying to protect you.**_

"We should…we have to uh" I couldn't say the damn words,I can't do it. I'm such a coward

_Jett, our little bitch is already crying_

"We have to what, James?" Kendall said as he looked straight into my eyes,his beautiful emerald eyes filled with worry, sorrow and love.

_Break up with Kendall _

_**I love you Kendall that's why I am doing this.**_

"Break up."

"What was that?" kendall hissed, as he left my side and went to stand by the window,his fists clenching trying to control his anger.

"We should break up." I said as I cautiously started walking towards him only to be stopped dead in my tracks when I saw fire burning within the irises of his eyes.

"You're joking, right? Please tell me you're joking." Kendall gritted through his teeth as he obviously tried to stop tears from falling.

"I'm not joking."

"James you can't be serious. You said you love me." He said after swallowing the lump forming in his throat and tears has finally made their journey down his cheeks.

"I do."

"THEN, WHY ARE BREAKING UP WITH ME?" He yelled, making me flinch in fright. He never yelled at me before.

"Because…" I started and took a deep breath "You won't understand, we just have too."

"Make me understand." He glared as he said acidly.

"Please don't make me do this. Don't make it harder than it already is."

"Are you in love with someone else?" Kendall muttered loud enough for me to hear. _**How dare he even think of that? I've never loved anybody more than him. Hell, I've never loved anybody but him.**_

"What? How could you ask that? I love you kendall." I said truthfully as I met his sad green orbs.

"Then why are you hurting me." He said whimpering. _**No, I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to protect you Kendall. One day, Kendall. One day, you'll understand.**_

"It's for your own good."

"How is this good for any of us if we're getting hurt?" Kendall said as my tears rolled freely down my cheeks as I fought to contain myself. But every word said, every second that went by, my heart cracked a little more, threatening to shatter.

"If you love someone, set them free. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were. Farewell Kendall. " I said as I left him standing there by the window looking heartbroken with hot tears still on his cheeks.

_**I'm so sorry Kednall, but it had to be done. I just hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me.**_


	3. Nobody Knows

"Oh, Jamie, it's okay, don't flinch. It's just me." Jett said, running his huge hands through my hair. I started shaking uncontrollably. Why wouldn't he just let me be? I broke up with Kendall as promised but he just didn't keep his part of the deal and now my life is absolute hell without my knight in shining armor to rescue me from the clutches of the devil himself. "Shhh, stop shaking fag boy." He warned. But I couldn't. His hand grabbed my hair and slammed my head against the wall. I yelped and whimpered pathetically in pain, but I had to swallow my cries so no one can hear. I can't risk Kendall or anyone hearing what Jett has been doing to me every day for past 2 weeks. Jett Laughed. He slid his cold hand under my shirt and clawed my scarred torso, from top to bottom. I knew he hated me. It hurts, but not too badly, his nails weren't that long. He grabbed my face and pulled it closer to his. "You're never going to escape this hell, James."

"Please…" I whimpered. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Kendall will never rescue you this time." He said simply. Then he stood up, and walked out of the boys' restroom leaving me sliding down the wall to have my crying fest.

* * *

To say Kendall was sad would be an understatement. He was devastated, miserable and dare I say it heartbroken. He lost the love of his life and his best friend for unknown reasons. He still remembers that night when he cried himself to sleep and woke up the next day with the worst migraine ever. He cannot comprehend why James would break up with him. He honestly didn't do anything wrong. He just loved him. If that is so wrong then he doesn't want to be right.

He is not blind to not notice that James is miserable as well but he cannot approach him now. James doesn't want him. Boy did those words hurt the poor blonde's heart. He was tearing up a bit but managed to hold back the tears for later and by later I mean at night. That's right, he has been crying himself every night ever since that dreadful night. He couldn't help it. The memories were too overwhelming, too sad. If only he knew why the brunet dumped his sorry ass, he would go back in time and stop it from ever happening. But, he has to face the harsh fact that him and James are over for good.

He knows that he should move on but it's not easy. He's still in love and getting over his love is a hard task.

**AN: I'm so so so so so sorry that I've been neglecting my stories and I'm also sorry that this is just a teaser but I promise that I will be so active in July that you would beg me to stop uploading :p**


	4. These Secrets Hurt Like Hell

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally stood up and went looking in the mirror, what I saw wasn't surprising anymore.

Bloodshot eyes, pale skin, dull hair, thin limbs. Somebody would have to be blind not to notice that I was definitely not okay.

But unfortunately Kendall didn't. How couldn't he notice how sick I've gotten? How couldn't he see how miserable I am without him? How did he easily let go of me? How couldn't he even try to talk to me about the break up? Does he even care that I broke up with him? Does he even love me?

Of course, he doesn't. I was just too in love to notice that the feeling isn't mutual. Damn you Kendall Knight. Damn you to hell.

I was hit with a sudden burst of anger and slammed my fist into the wall relishing the pain that shot up my arm. I gently and carefully flexed my fingers, but I knew nothing was broken. Nevertheless, my hand and wrist throbbed painfully, but it felt good in a sick and twisted way. It took a little bit of the pain inside my heart away.

After fixing myself and drying my tears, I walked out of the restroom only to be abruptly tackled back inside.

"Hey, what the hell are- K-Kendall?" I stuttered as his green eyes met my hazel ones.

"James, we need to talk." He said calmly.

"No, we don't." I weakly protested as I tried to escape from his grasp but to no avail.

"Yes we do. At least tell me why you broke up with me. What did I do wrong?" He asked in a broken voice as he loosened his hold on me.

"You didn't do anything wrong Kendall. I did." I mumbled as I avoided his sparkling green eyes. The green eyes that I fell in love with. The green eyes that I'm _still_ in love with.

"What do you mean?" He asked and I shrugged.

"Nothing. Just don't blame yourself, okay?"

"God damn it James, you're doing it again. Why? Why can't you talk to me? We're best friends…Or at least we used to be." He whispered-yelled making me flinch in fear.

"I'm sorry Kendall but, it's just that…you'll hate me once you know and I can't have that." I whimpered pathetically because I didn't want him to regret ever befriending or loving a weak person as me. What he doesn't know won't hurt him, right?

"I can't ever hate you James. I told you that I love you. As a matter of fact, I still do."

"You do?" I asked in disbelief. How can he still love me after I broke his heart? Is he fucking mental?

"Of course."

"I love you too." I breathed out.

* * *

Before James could say anything else, Kendall reached his hand and cupped his cheek with one hand. He used his other to tenderly grab his waist and pulled the younger boy towards him. Without Hesitation, Kendall leaned down and pressed his lips to James' gently. The brunet reacted and kissed back missing Kendall's lips on his, his smooth, plump lips moved in perfect synchronization against Kendall's. James wrapped his arms around Kendall's neck and pulled him closer.

A few minutes later, they pulled away from each other breathless. "God, I've missed that way too much." Kendall mumbled, giving James one more peck as if to savour the taste of his lips and to make sure that he was kissing James in real life again.

"Now, will you at least tell why you did it?"

"Jett and Dak." I muttered under my breath.

"Those fucking bastards." He hissed with sheer hatred as he probably recalled the day when they ripped off my innocence

"I'm so sorry Kendall, they promised they would stop bullying me if I broke up with you and I was too weak to say no or do anything about it. I'm sorry sorry sorry."

"Shhh, stop it babe I get it now. Stop apologizing. It's not your fault."

"Yes it is."

"No it's mine and I'm going to fix it." Kendall said with a dark smile adorning his features.

**AN:I'm glad to see that people are enjoying this story.**

**I'd like to have at least 7 reviews and I promise I'll update this Thursday.**

**And as for my other stories, you will have to wait a bit longer because I've lost inspiration but, I promise that I will update them as soon as I can.**

**Ciao for now ;)**


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